A Dead soul...

I am not a very good at building or finding a relationship or a friendship. The only thing I do is admiring people until they fade away in times. Reasons? I am Shy, scare to be rejected, dont know how to ask people out, or start a simple conversation. All I did was a "HI" and .. The End..

Even making friends, most of my friends were the ones who start talking with me, instead of I go talk with them. Girl and boy are the same. Only after that I am always not shy away find them for chit chats. I talk alot. I do admit that I have plenty of Friends who are girls. I do have guy as friends. But thats obvious. Yes I do like making friends, just dunno how on earth I will start be the one who actually starts the conversation. Thats why, for my kind of guy, starting a relationship could be so hard. But building one, its what I do to make it long and steady. I had dating experience before, it last quite long.. 5 fingers.. but Now, finding someone is so hard. Many say I may find the one soon.. thats just something people usually say. For myself, maybe I am confused with own sexual orientation lol.. or just happen to become complicated. Beacuse of my weakness, I am already start opening the door, to whoever is finding a true and serious soul partner. Its not easy to find one, when u happened to see many thought they found someone, but later after marriage, both go seperated! What a stupid thing to do. Yea, its a taboo topic. Have anyone watch these following movies?

1) Brokeback Mountain (USA)
2) Eternal Summer (Taiwan + Hong Kong)
3) I am not What You Want (Hong Kong) ~ aka Angel
4) Latter Days (USA)
5) Formula 17 (Taiwan)
etc.

These movies depicting someone who has a complicated mindset in finding a real love. There maybe no real defination for real love, but it maybe someone who is watching you all along, not a hamsap look of cause. I like finding International + foregn language movies. I know the time you watched these, maybe make you a shock. But watching movies is to know the story line and life experience of certain individuals. It is worth watching.

Anyhow, I am deeply confuse on my own. Sometime may wonder the whole day, people staring back at me, makes me want to ask why, but I just dont dare to approach them. Sometims its a hint from someone, example, always park you vehicle next to the vehicle even though there are other parking spaces available at the same time, or walking and want to make some eye contact when passing the person (when you walked) etc. These maybe hints, and I never have the guts to go for it. I mean both guy and girls.

Is there anyone out there had the same experience that I have? do share with me. Who stare at you and whats your reaction etc. I dont mind people hate to talk about it, because its a personal thing.